how long is too long?

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages, but it's only been a few days. What have I been doing, you ask? Applying for jobs. And lots of them. (Somehow a good majority between the hours of 10pm and 2am).

A fair share of that time has been devoted only to searching. Searching in Tampa, trying to find jobs that appeal to me, and vice versa. Tampa's pretty great in the IT department (yay for E!) but not so much in the humanities. I've had such a hard time finding jobs in my field that I've resorted to applying to anything I

might remotely 

be interested in or qualified for--note: I applied for a job at the hospital this weekend. That's when you know it's bad. (nothing against hospitals, just not quite the creative environment I desire). 

I think it's safe to say I have a bit of an idealized view of what kind of job I want. But is it unreasonable to dream? Best case scenario: I get a job as a copy and content creator for *Everlane in San Francisco where I spend my days surrounded by other creatives interested in philanthropy and design and words. And maybe coffee. Sounds awesome, right?

*Feel free to replace company name with any of the following: Kinfolk, Warby Parker, The Mocha Club, Darling Magazine, Verily Magazine, This Is Paper, Conscious Magazine, Anthology Magazine....

But I go back and forth all the time. Some days I feel confident enough to apply for these jobs at these dream companies, and some days I feel like I should just stick with applying to jobs in Tampa. I'm so very conflicted. 

Eric and I have now been doing long-distance for a year and half. Just thinking about finally making a permanent home with him makes my heart smile. We've been waiting for this moment for almost three years, dreaming about it since we met in college. But as E cautioned this weekend, "Will you really be happy living here if you are working a job you don't enjoy?" 

It's wonderful to know that E believes in me and believes in my dreams. He wants me to pursue them and not settle. And he's willing to keep doing long-distance if that's what it takes. His love and support are encouraging. He's got a point, after all.

But it's intimidating at the same time. It's not that I hate Tampa; I just wish there was a job for me there. And maybe there is. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. The first job I have won't be my dream job necessarily, anyway. But I would really like to find something that fits my experience and my future goals. A job that will put me on the path, so to speak.

Which one is more important right now? Which will make me happiest? Starting my life with the one I love right now, or pursuing my personal and professional dreams elsewhere? Will I be happy working a job I enjoy if I'm not with the one I love? Can I handle another year (or two or three....) of being long-distance with E? How long is too long?

Both routes may require sacrifices. I guess that's part of life. But it's such a relief knowing I have a man who wants the best for me, even if that means waiting a bit longer to move in together. And who knows: maybe I'll find a job I'll enjoy in Tampa, and get the best of both worlds.