how i know


The other night, E and I stayed up late talking about life. 

Not life in general. More like, our existence. This planet. Everything in our world. And how utterly scary it can be sometimes that we--as in humans--still have so many unanswered questions. Some which may include . . . . 

Where is heaven? Where does the universe end, or how can it go on forever? What else is out there? What is our true purpose? How did we get here, in such intricacy? Why do we waste our days trying to make money? Where did God come from anyway? How is it that, after all of these years, scientists can answer nearly any question about our world and its makeup, but still have no concrete evidence of how it--and we--got here?

Let's admit it: we've all asked ourselves some of these at least some point in our life. I'm sure you've thought about this too. Maybe like me, you choose to ignore it sometimes. Maybe you just accept it. For the most part, I avoid thinking about it because it's not healthy to dwell. Over-analyze. Stress and worry. These things are just out of our control, and we mostly accept it, focusing on our faith instead. But there are those times when you just can't help but wonder....when you ask the questions despite yourself....

Quite frankly, it can be overwhelming and intimidating to think about the bigger picture like that. As E put it, sometimes when we question and try to reason this world's existence, it makes us feel so alone. So helpless. So insignificant in the grand scheme. It can be marvelous to think about how deliberately and intricately our world has been created, but its mysteries make us confront a lot of fear. 

In the morning when we sat down to read our daily devotions together before E left for work, something miraculous happened. I opened to the date and read this: 

"I am nearer than you think, richly present in all your moments. You are connected to Me by Lovebonds that nothing can sever. However, you may sometimes feel alone, because your union with Me is invisible. Ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find Me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality; it is tuning into ultimate reality. I am far more Real than the world you can see, hear, and touch. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." 

Okay, God. You got me. 

More than a mere coincidence that this would be our devotion today, right? Maybe this doesn't seem like much to you, but it felt like a reminder. A good, reassuring reminder from Pappa that hey--we're gonna have doubts. We're gonna have days where we feel overwhelmed by our lack of knowledge and perspective. But He really is there. More than anything or anyone. And He is so much larger than our fears and insecurities.

I'll leave you with a poem I wrote a few months ago. It's about how I know He exists. 

How does a weed 
Grow up between bricks?
Where does it find 
The strength, the sunshine?
If left to grow, it would 
Overtake the manmade
The obstacles.
It would win.
How is it that nature
Is still more powerful than the 
If it is greater than things created, 
Here and now,
How can we 
That something greater than ourselves
Made it?
How can we pass it off
As a boom
A chance
A coincidence?
It is so much
Than we are.