life declarations.

lately, i've felt this sort of nagging in my heart, and i can't deny 
that it's probably God. 
over the years, i've watched a lot of documentaries, read a lot of books
about technology and food, love and society, media and materialism. consumerism intrigues me. advertising is a curious thing. blogging in itself a bit like advertising; every day i read multiple blogs and from those, conclude certain things about myself subconsciously--thoughts about how i want to raise my children, what my style looks like, how i want to live, basically. 

i'm guessing we've all sort of done this, to some extent. i don't think it's a bad thing, because it's part of the process of discovering what works for us and what doesn't. but lately, the "what does" category has been on my mind, and i just keep feeling this pull from Pappa that maybe He wants me to stop and listen. 

here's the thing: i think the American Dream is big problem. a huge one. i used to think it was something admirable, hardworking, doable. but at this point in my life, i've realized it's not something i want, desire or need anymore. 

i've always struggled with my self-esteem, constantly comparing myself to others out of insecurity, feeling pressure to live up to society's standards. i'm terrible at making decisions. i'm bad with trust, i worry too much.

but somewhere along the way, i started realizing that something was off. not with me, but with all the things i was feeling pressured by. this ideal of the American Dream. 

we are bombarded on a daily basis by messages. messages that tell us what we need or want, what we should desire.
empty promises of, if you make more money, buy more things, focus on work, do or have this or that, wear this or that, yada yada--you'll be happier, more successful, more confident, more, more more. it's like you get these things, you unconsciously find yourself buying into the American Dream, and you keep coming up short-handed. you work a 9 to 5 so you can pay the bills and because eventually, you'll get to retire (and then you can finally enjoy life when your bones are cracking and eyesight is failing). you work for the future. you lose sight of the present. and you keep wondering, why isn't this making me happier? why aren't i more successful? i'm doing everything right?

Sarah from She Reads Truth wrote something that got my attention: 

"I wonder what God thinks about where I spend my time.
I wonder what He thinks about all the crafts, clothes and recipes I pin on Pinterest.  The minutes I burn on the elliptical.
The celebrity magazines I flip through at the grocery store.
The times I check my Facebook feed, my Twitter and my email to see who “likes” me today.
When will we stop sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind?
When will we stop tending the stalks that grow no grain?
When will we stop being swallowed up by our idolatry?
When will we ever learn?"

and that's why i decided that i'd much rather follow God's Dream. 
one where i can find the balance, where i can learn.

for me, this means a menagerie of things. it doesn't mean i'm going to jet off to a third world country for the rest of my life (although i would like to be a freelance missions journalist at some point) but it does mean that i'm free from the shackles of society. i think we are all along; it just takes that moment of realization--that all of the things we're searching for are empty, void of that fulfillment we desire so much. that the things we're doing are causing us more harm that help. that our purpose doesn't have to fit a mold--whether that mold is made by a secular society or a Christian one. 
we are all unique molds, crafted by God. 

so here it is. my life declarations. things i feel passionate about, things i feel are true for me in my heart, things i want to focus on because they help my life feel more purposeful, less wasteful. not an empty void of an intangible dream with a path that leads nowhere, but a fulfilled balance through the love of my God. 

1. Eat locally and organically. 
2. Dwell in a small house. 
3. Buy mostly what is necessary (70:30 rule). 
4. Write and never stop. 
5. Don't allow stress to dictate life.
6. Practice yoga on a healthy level. 
7. Do what fulfills you through God, regardless.
8. Use technology purposefully. 
9. Breast feed your children. 
10. Do not engage in competition.
11. Use and wear organic materials when possible. 
12. Dedicate time to serving others. 
13. Do not let society choose who you are. 
14. Embody God's love your own way.

i feel like this post doesn't make a lot of sense. but sometimes society exhausts me. do you know what i mean? i feel tired of trying to keep up. the rat race is fast, the pace is precariously tipped on an uneven scale. i want to find my balance, one sparingly influenced by the demands of society, but fulfilled through God's guidance. 

okay, i'm done rambling.
*remember, these are just my thoughts and opinions, not facts*

happy friday, folks :)